The Paradox of letting go is the idea that once you've let something go from your control it truly becomes apart of you, and is truly yours. You've gone beyond separation and stepped into unity consciousness with all that is. The old adage of (If you truly love something, or someone, let it go) says it all. It's a lovely saying, putting it into practice however is the real trick, and can take an entire lifetime to achieve, if at all. Some of us are born to advance very quickly in life in one aspect or another, but do not always choose to share our fortunes of skill and wisdom to the world, perhaps they have totally let go of everything, even humanity, or reality itself, or the opposite, they attach themselves totally, this is not the letting go of which I speak, this is more akin to checking out, which I know well in my own way, and although has its time and place, is the kind of letting go that has greater potential to separate than to unify, which is exactly what happened to me.Recently I let go of someone I love very much, not because I fell out of love, but because I was stagnating emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I was falling apart, wondering around without a purpose and living in fear almost every moment of the day. The pain I caused her and the son she's raising is one of the hardest things I've ever had to live with. She let go, I held on, but eventually I had to let go too. Most of us live day to day with stories about ourselves and the lives we lead just to make it through, my story was that of Atlas, holding the weight of the world on my shoulders, doing what I know is right as much as I can but failing to live up to it in the ways that count most with those I hold dearest.Three weeks into this journey at Esalen, three chances to attach, three chances to let go. More than that if you include the weekend groups of guests, which you'd have to be social butterfly of the century to try and attach to each week and then an epic buddhist monk to let go of each time. What strikes me most isn't my level of attachment, but rather the opposite. Everything seems to be melting away from me, all the needs for closeness, for human touch and emotion, are fading. But don't get me wrong, the desire for love and affection is hardwired in me more than most and sometimes I'll find myself going on autopilot to the nearest cuddle puddle I see littered in pockets of trust and love I've nurtured here thus far. Which is so ironic since I've desired it forever and now that I'm apart of a community that full embraces those things I find It's a strange mix to be in, but one I am quite glad to be apart of.The last decade of my life since 2009 has all been about letting go of one thing or another. First it was the idea I had of myself that I needed to let go, my massive ego and controlling behavior. The decade since that fated journey to India with my best friend B that changed my life forever has been a real doozy, as they say. Full of births, deaths, murders, drugs and crime, financial hardship, more attachment, then total disconnection, and so much more. But one thing remained constant through it all, one thread that always brought me back to the reason I started down this road to begin with, and that is my obsession with seeking, the explorer of everything, everywhere, within and without, the unsatisfied one within me that can't help but push the envelope, won't stop until the final bell tolls, and then to begin again when the sound of silence beckons me forward.In honor of one of my favorite comedians I will post the quote he is best known for and rightly so. 