You know that feeling when you get up in the morning tired, not from a state of sleep, but a state of frustration, the kind that leaves you somewhat dreading the day ahead? And all of it manifested from the course of a sleepless and otherwise uncomfortable night? Well this was such a morning. It was worse for Blake then it was for me, I actually slept a little, he did not. You see, Ayahuasca keeps you awake, because it, like many other drugs, keeps your mind, or your body, fully engaged. Making sleep a very difficult proposition, even for someone like Blake, who finds sleep easier than I could find water falling out of a boat.At 8 in the morning Wilder came to our hut with two plates of food, each with a portion of Patarashka, vegetables and boiled potatoes. After finishing our meal, which actually took us some time because we weren't really hungry and still in slow mo from our long night, Wilder asked us about our ceremony. Did we have visions? what did we feel? were we ok? that kind of thing. Caesar ate nothing, he just watched and listened while smoking a jungle cigarette (pure tobacco, no chemicals, but strong as all hell)I told him I had no visions, but to clarify for the readers, I had no hallucinations, I did see many things in my mind, but not through my eyes, a distinction I make because in my own opinion, for it to be a true vision, it should be seen, not only thought about. Semantics perhaps, yes, but the most powerful psychedelic trips I have ever experienced, those I truly felt to of had visions with, were those I could not outrun by the simple closure of the eyes.I went on to say that after the ceremony was done I felt a great sadness come over me as I went through all the friends and family I have suffering back home, and all over the world, from a multitude of things really, things like drug abuse, post traumatic stress, anger issues, identity problems, broken homes, debt slavery, cultural occultism, obesity, anxiety, bipolar-ism, materialism and the list goes on..I felt their pain and their struggles to survive against the monsters that haunt them all. How lost each of them are in their own world of sadness they cannot escape. Each of these people has a history with me, moments we shared, both good and bad. They are important to me as companions in the long and unknown journey that is life. I travel the world in search of the things that will change me for the better, forge me into who I will one day become, and in so doing leaving them behind on their own.It is a new idea I've come to recently, one that has shown great promise for the dreams I have for the future. That is, to help them, I must first help myself. For no broken man should hope to successfully lead another before mending himself. This means we must walk the paths we choose, and look not back upon the choice as an abandonment of the other, but a path chosen to lead oneself into the light of your brightest future.We may not stand on the same ground or face the same trials, but they remain inside me, deep in my memories, locked away tightly but free to roam within me as well, surrounding me always, riding my shoulders when I need them to give me strength, when I use them as examples of how to be or not to be, and how to succeed when my base personality requires a certain trait to best suit the moment. It is through them that my adaptation to the ever-changing world I explore is accomplished.Due to a psychedelics ability to emulate any reality, while using them you can actually feel the physical and emotion feelings of others, not just people, but animals, insects, anything. It doesn't end there though, your mind in this state of awareness, depending on dose, setting and the type of substance, can be truly limitless. While emulating their pain, feeling their frustration, I too suffered and I thought about how much I cared for them all and want to help heal their wounds somehow. When you care, you cry, not always because your sad or angry, often because your happy, amazed at your luck, your circumstance, your role in this cosmic play you were born to fulfill. I did cry and all these reasons flooded through me readily.I related this as best I could to the Shaman through Wilder, without getting too detailed, for it would take to long and was not necessary for the Shaman to know at any rate. When I was done Caesar told us he saw the spirit of a large swamp tree surrounding us during the ceremony and that we needed to visit such a tree and pray for our friends there. So after lunch at around 3, Wilder, Moisess, Caesar, a guide, Blake and I all got into a jungle boat, a roofless canoe carved from a single tree, and hauled beside us another boat that belonged to another village at the mouth of the river.At the other side of the river we slid the boat on to the shore, dug an oar into the mud and tied the boat to it. We all got out and started walking into the jungle. There was a path there, cut through the brush, by my uneducated guess, Id say it was traversed a few times monthly at best. It was not very wide or well-defined, it was swampland so for most of the walk we trudged through murky water or mud, always minding our steps as our gum boots got stuck from time to time. We came to the tree only 15 minutes into the walk, but before we were to engage in the ceremony we walked another 15 minutes to get to a small pond with large water lilies floating around the edges.On our way back we stopped at the tree, which was a big black old growth, with large fanning roots that suspended the entire tree above the ground and into the air. An evolutionary trait many trees in the Amazon developed to survive the extreme rise and fall of water that happens every year with the coming and going rains. All around us were vines hanging from its upper branches that also dug into the swamp around it. Some vines in the Amazon are known to strangle the trees they attach themselves to and use the energy they produce to survive because they themselves cannot perform photosynthesis.Caesar, who had been smoking the entire day, blew cigarette smoke all around us, in our clothes and into our faces, making us lower our heads so he could blow smoke into the crowns of our skulls, using his hands as a tube as he blew while chanting with each exhale. He asked us to gather all the positive energy we could and then place our hands on the tree and pray, and so we did. For 10 minutes my mind raced through all that I had thought of and felt in the night, and I asked the spirits of Ayahuasca and of the tree to send all our energy of love and compassion, hope and strength to all our friends and family, but mostly for those friends of ours who are truly lost, truly in need of change. We finished our prayer and left the swamp returning to camp.For dinner we had a plain noodle soup and plain rice, which is much different without being cooked with salt, a truly bland starch is hard to swallow, so we got a lime and squeezed it over it, when that wasn't enough we used a jungle orange, which is actually green and tastes much less fruity than the orange ones were used to, it was a process we would come to repeat almost every meal while at the retreat. When dinner was finished we retreated to our hut in the woods and waited for the Spaniards to come, who can made a deal with Wilder and Caesar to have a one night ayahuasca ceremony. I stayed awake just long enough to hear Caesar begin chanting and then dozed off, my mind lost in the heavy air of sleeplessness and strained emotional faculties...
Ayahuasca - Welcome to The Jungle
We both got up early to have the same breakfast with Carolina. This time I had the fish head and boiled plantain instead of the fish body and grilled plantain. We got another 10 soles bag of orange juice as well. Once we were back in the hostel we made our final preparations to enter the jungle. I made one final blog post about us going dark, then we loaded up the van with our gear and that of the two Spaniards. We left the hostel by 9 and picked up two more adventurers at a different hostel. Lisa, from San Francisco and Rachael from New Zealand.It wasn't a long drive with everyone in the van, for soon Caesar* our shaman, Miosess, Blake and I got into another vehicle, which was a prehistoric Mitsubishi wagon from who knows when, only 2 of its windows were capable of going up or down, a feet accomplished only by pulling a string that was attached somehow to the glass. To get it down you had to feed the string back with the window while you pushed it down. The seats were a thin layer of foam probably an inch thick and became uncomfortable the moment we were sitting for more than 5 minutes. It was the same road we took to the pond but went even slower than our overheated motor taxi did. It rained the whole time as well but the driver didn't use his windshield wiper until it had stopped raining, which was scary because he was playing chicken with every car coming from the opposite direction, without even being able to see them while trying to pass the even slower vehicles.Moises got us waters outside of the airport and we drove from their to Nauta, another port city, in relative silence. We unloaded our gear and together with the rest of the group got into 6 motor taxis and drove a short while to the "port" where I argued with a guy for charging me 1 sole for using his pisser but his disregard for my position was absolute and I walked out of his hole in the wall looking for another one to use. Wilder told me it was only .30 - .50 max, but when the Spaniards wanted to use the restroom as well and needed me to show them where after finding no other place, I took them to the guy and handed him the sole he required begrudgingly.Before getting on the boat Blake got a kilo of delicious purple grapes and some very hard jungle apples that tasted great but were like unripe pears to bite through. Once on the boat Blake gave a few of the apple to the boatmen and then we settled down for the hour long ride into the jungle. During this time I got to talking with Rachael and Lisa, but mostly Rachael. She told me she had worked on the special effects team on the happy feet movie, which had won an academy award. She left the movie industry to travel, which gave her a payout for her good work and was here in Peru where she had met her fiance at a Vipassana Ayahuasca retreat in Cusco.If your unfamiliar with Vipassana, it is an ancient Indian practice developed roughly 2500 years ago to remedy almost any ills effecting the body or mind. You do not speak the entire time you participate in the session, usually 10 or so days, and it is free to attend, even the food and lodging are covered. It is paid for by the donations of those few volunteers who are willing or able to do so. My sister Michelle has done a few of these courses herself and seems to enjoy them very much.During Rachaels session in Cusco she not only had to be silent the whole time but was also taking a powerful psychedelic. In one of her sessions she was told by the Ayahuascan spirits about one of the other participants, they told her that he had fallen a long time ago from a building and nearly broken his back. Rachael told me that at the time she didn't yet believe in any spiritual stuff and was skeptical, but the spirits told her that she was a very powerful healer in a previous life and that this man was once her husband. The spirits told her to ask him about the fall and a few other things and find out for herself what was real. She did and the man was amazed at the accuracy of her questions relating to his life, from that experience on they got together and are now engaged and attempting to set up an ayahuasca center outside of Lima.Then she told me about how her mom back in New Zealand had called them after a conference an hour outside of town and then called immediately afterward telling them that she had seen a large craft over her as she had gotten off the phone and the next thing she knew she was 10 hours away on the other side of the Island, an impossibility even with a supersonic aircraft. We also went into really interesting things about Ayahuasca, how when enough DMT, (dimethyltryptamine) the active ingredient of Ayahuasca, is taken, the persons consciousness can be taken into the same dimension that Dark Matter inhabits. I had never heard this before but she told me I could read all about it in the Spirit Molecule book.Then she told us about all the experiences she had with some of the best shamans in Peru, some of which were in Pucalpa, a river city 5 days south by boat from Iquitos, they did nothing but sing the entire time without using a chakapa leaf wand or touching you at all. She gave me the names of these shamans and also of an 80 year old women Shaman, supposedly the 2nd strongest in Peru, who lives in Iquitos. But she has no phone or address so we have to find her one legged brother who can be found around the main plaza in town to find her =D She highly suggested I visit both to have the full ayahuasca treatment.The funny part is that what got us talking in the first place was the necklace that she had on, which I recognized as Roys, the same guy who sold Blake the ones he got for us. I'm very grateful to have met Rachael, she inspired me to further our journeys down the ayahuasca path, beyond this month in the jungle, even though we have yet to pass even a single day there.We arrived at camp and unloaded our gear, as we did other guests got on our transport and left. The two couples who remained were from Spain and Germany. For dinner we had boiled eggs and beats, carrots, and cucumber salad in a sad decrepid dinning area with every single mosquito net loose on the walls and molding to boot. After which we followed Caesar into the jungle, going approximately 100 meters through before coming out into a small clearing in which a tin roof hut was built. It was a fair size, with the front portion being a veranda like space with metal mosquito nets going all around it. Then there was an inner room with 2 single beds with nets and a bunk bed without any mattresses on it, which was to be our room. Outside of the room to the left down a short corridor was a door-less bathroom with a shower. There was virtually no water pressure to speak of so any attempt at a shower was reduced to a dribble of water that one had to stand under for 20 minutes before you could even consider yourself "wet". We put our things on the ground of our room and tried to get some sleep before our first ceremony, which would be at 9pm.Five hours later we got up and joined Wilder and Caesar in the veranda, sitting down on thin foam pads in a semi-circle. We drank and an hour and 20 minutes later Caesar got up to hit the chakapa against my head and cleanse my spirit. As he did, he blew the ridiculously strong, pure tobacco smoke directly in my face, something I would have swung on someone for in my youth, I've never liked tobacco in any form, especially the smoke, I immediately vomited in the bucket provided for us, but Caesar kept hitting my head with the leaf wand unabated like a champ even as i puked my guts out in the bowl beside him. I felt totally normal right after and kicked myself for having such a weak stomach. Hours later however, when the ceremony had ended and we were laying in bed the feeling of floating and being very awake came over me, I saw slight psychedelic shapes, but nothing as strong as our first experience back in Iquitos. A few hours later Blake threw up as well, it sounded very painful for him. We both tried to get some sleep, but neither of us really did...
Payment and a Gift
It was a hot night and I turned many times in the pool of my own sweat, I had many dreams but could not remember the specifics for long as I awoke. Getting up and going to the bathroom I had a strange feeling of apprehension pass over me. It passed quickly but still, it lingered in my thoughts for a time. Today is the day we must pay for our first month in the jungle and Wilder is due to arrive any minute.After laying down on for a few minutes I hear him talking with the clerk who mans the front desk of the Salamander hotel. ¨It´s time to pay,¨ I tell Blake, who is reading my previous blog entries on his itouch while laying on his back on the bunk bed above me. We get up and go out to meet him, he´s sitting at the table and Moisess, the boss and Carolinas father, is laying on the couch watching television. Carolina was sitting on the couch as well, although she was busy doing something on her phone. We sit down and say hello, I take out the cash and hand it to Wilder, who takes it, counts it, counts it again, looks at me, then Moisess, then counts it a third time before handing it to his boss, telling him ¨its all there,¨ in spanish.I've never handed anyone that much money in a third world country before, I suppose that was the cause of my apprehension in the morning, but who can say? When we were done, we thanked Wilder and Moisess and left with Carolina in a motor taxi to a open air market nearby. There we got freshly grilled Plantains*a thick sugarless banana, & piranhas cut in half lengthwise, with a tall glass of freshly squeezed orange juice for only 13 soles, a bargain anyway you slice it considering what we pay at Texas Rose. The food is better here as well, although to be honest the fish did have a bit of salt on it, whereas the Ayahuasca diet fish at Texas had none, with that and the price difference it´s not a stretch to see why we'd like one over the other. One we finished out meal, we walked to the next stall over and got a large plastic bag full of freshly squeezed OJ for 10 soles.From there we went a street that runs parallel with the main square that has many shops and stores selling mostly clothing and electronics. I found a expedition hat I wanted and bargained it down to 18 soles from 25. Carolina had to go to work so we returned to the hostel. When I got out of the bathroom Blake had disappeared. We had talked about going to the internet cafe and the clerk told me he had left so I went the the cafe to join him, but he wasn't there either. The women at the desk told me he had walked in and the quickly left, so I went back to the plaza in search of him. Not finding him there I went to the office of our tour company and Wilder was there talking among the people outside the building, I asked him if he had seen Blake and he said he saw him wondering around the plaza, As I turned to face it I saw him following a group of shady characters down the same street I had bought my hat. I thanked Wilder and immediately set off in pursuit of him and his new entourage.Many times in our youth I would find myself doing much the same thing as I was doing now, following Blake and whatever goon squad he was with, mostly to watch out for him, but also to be apart of a social group I was at the time so fervently against. A contradiction maybe, but while with those I considered my enemies at that time, I hoped to change them, show them the error in their ways, bring them back into the light so to speak. I don't know how well any of that went in those days, but It was my path then and I don't regret following my truth, as much as its changed in the last years. Yet I digress..As I walked up behind them I could see that they were a group of art makers, the kind you can find anywhere in the touristic areas of the world that stand for that kind of free trade. I came up close enough behind Blake to breath down his neck, a favorite tactic of Assassins, stalkers and crazies from all eras. Blake was quick to notice however and turned to face me while still walking. ¨What you up to buddy?¨ I said inquisitively. ¨I´m having these guys help me find some sandals to buy,¨ he said nonchalantly. I turned to look at his rugged companions and thought to myself, ¨They'll want something in return no doubt.¨ but I said nothing. We went into a shoe store, something we easily could have managed to find on our own I thought, and he had them help him ask to try on a few pairs in different sizes, he chose the one he wanted and bought it.After that the entourage showed him more of their wares and Blake paid for the ones he had already chosen which I had not seen. It was 2 beautiful necklaces, each with an Ayahuasca vine cut into a sliver with a see through plastic like coating covering them. One was for Blake and one he gave to me, which had a snake wrapping around 3 beads, each representing an emotional or virtuous characteristic, and the Chacruna leaf, the DMT containing plant of the Ayahuasca drink, and at the bottom there was a large white crystal, it´s truly beautiful. As far as I can remember Blake has not gifted me anything in many, many years. It´s a treasure I will hold and keep for as long as I am able. In addition to the necklaces Blake bought a bracelet and because of this the vendor agreed to let me have a bracelet as well for free, He offered the smaller ones at first but I chose the nicest one which he refused to give me, I told him that was the one I wanted, he swayed, asked me to reconsider, but I was staunch with my choice and he shook his head with a laugh and gave me the piece. Blake Payed 300 soles for everything in total.We went to the internet cafe after that, and from there we went to a local hole in the wall joint and got small grilled fish for 4 soles each. Then we went to Texas rose with Carolina and had beans and rice before returning to the Hostel to Meet 2 Spaniards who would also be joining us on the boat to the Jungle in the morning. It was a long day, full of interesting thoughts going through my head, but all in all, I for one, am ready to go into the wild..
A Nice Day in Iquitos
Carolina picked us up in a motor taxi near noon taking us to her house. It was once a laundry mat as well as their home but now the machines are only for the family. While we sat and talked with Carolina her mom made us Patarashka cooked in large banana leaves, or something like them, and served the meal with yuka, a potato like tuber with only a slight natural taste of sugar. In a bowl on the table was a coconut mango sauce to use as a spread. Wilder and his wife, Carolina's brother, who was hung over from a long night of partying, and her father also joined us for the meal.When we were finished, her brother called his buddy taxi driver and he took us to a pond some miles away outside of the city. On the way the motorbike stalled and overheated, we had to wait a little for it to cool down, but the we were already on a slope so we just coasted slowly with the motor off until we slowed a good deal and he started it up again. After a few miles we slowed down for an accident that had just occurred, a man was being carried from the ground to a car, his arms, chest and leg bloody, I think I saw his bone popping out of his leg but I can't be sure. He looked pretty fucked up.We arrived at the pond where many cars and taxis were parked, we had to pay the 3 soles fair each to get in and walked across a narrow planked path to the other side of the decent sized swimming hole. We dove in one at a time, our driver joining us as well since he knew the family, and gave us a discount on the drive since he wanted to swim too. When the three of us guys were in only Carolina was left sitting at the waters edge, she said she couldn't swim but eventually got in and did just fine. What she meant to say was that she wasn't really a good swimmer and wouldn't attempt a river or a larger body of water. Blake and I balanced one foot on branches hidden under the dark surface, bouncing up and down, having a good time, but I quickly lost interest in swimming and returned to the ledge to dry off, we had no towels after all and sitting down in a motor taxi with a wet ass isn't such a pleasant thing, especially for more than an hours drive on a bumpy road.While I stood there I watched as Blake took the huge beach ball floating nearby and spiked it passed kids on a barge who were all acting as goalies, with every successful hit passed them he would yell, "Golazo!!" just like the Sports announcers in every soccer game do all over the Latin world. It was a fun thing to watch, The little kids all kept yelling at Blake to play more with them. Blake made one last goal and had enough, throwing his hands in the air and yelling, "Golazo!" three times in succession as the supreme victor of the small tournament he had created. As he walked off they all screamed at him, "No, gringo! Gringo!" and jumped up and down on the floating platform. But Blake had already escaped beneath the dark waters and could no longer hear their pleas. It really reminded me of similar experiences I had in Mexico back in 2003, how nostalgic.After that we were all ready to go and returned to Iquitos, some of us more dry than others. Carolina had to tend to some business and we returned to our usual internet cafe to surf the web. When we were finished with that we decided to get some food, but instead of going out to eat we thought we would safe some dough and make our own dinner. Looking around we found a small super market and bought some carrots, onions and tomatoes, at another place we got a bag of pasta and a 7 liter jug of water, all totaling about 8 soles, a real bargain for dinner considering we've been spending almost 50 soles each for a meal at Texas Rose, their patarashka is good, but 39 soles is steep for a little steamed fish considering what you can make for yourself or even get from a street vendor for that price.We weren't the only people in the hostel cooking though, so we had to share the stove with 3 guys who had just returned from the same lodge we are going to. They were there for 4 days and told us that it was nice but that the mosquitoes were terrible there. They were cooking pasta as well, only with canned tuna and tons of salt and spices. At this point we have already been on the special diet for 4 days. Which as you may already know, restricts us from any salt, sugar, oils, spices such as pepper or anything spicy, and sexual activitydue to its ability to lower a persons energy.We finished our meal and then joined them in a good conversation. All three of them were from Slovenia, they were cool guys and even invited me to stay with them if I ever made it to their country, a possibility and an opportunity I could very well take advantage of at some point, I am an avid traveler after all. But many people have made such offers to me in the past, and you never really know who would appreciate the visit in earnest, that however is a bridge to cross at another time. We got up and thanked them for the conversation and the invitation, for they were heading out for a night on the town and we were heading to our beds for a full night of rest..
Money Matters
It is the morning after our first ceremony in Iquitos. We skip breakfast and are met by Wilder, the man who brought us to the Shaman and told us about the opportunity his company offers in the first place. He got us a Tuk Tuk and rode behind us on his motorbike. We lost track of him along the way but thankfully I recognized the alley of the Shaman and instructed the driver to turn off on to it. We even managed to recognize the Shamans house, even though it was all very dark when we arrived there the previous night. We went inside and waited for Wilder to arrive. After 20 minutes of waiting I communicated as best I could with the Shaman that I thought he had lost track of us and driven ahead thinking our driver would keep going passed the alley, which indeed he would have, had we not told him otherwise. The Shaman called Wilder and he joined us soon after confirming my suspicions.Together with the Shaman and Wilder as our interpreter, we talked about our experiences with the Ayuhuasca the previous night. Then they discussed how long we should spend in the jungle. Wilder wanted to know how much time we had to spend and foolishly I think we said, ¨As long as it takes¨ something you just don't say to tourist companies before making a deal with them. Always know how long you´ll commit to. We had talked about doing 2 months before even arriving in Peru but I wasn't really serious about it. Blake however said flatly that 2 months would do to start. Wilder looked at us intensely for a moment, confirmed what we said, turned and told the Shaman. With a few exchanges, which I took to a rescheduling of his life calendar for the next 8 weeks, everything on their side of the conversation ended. We thanked the Shaman and returned to the main part of the city and had lunch at Texas Rose with Carolina. Then we went home and slept in our bunk beds until 5pm. Wilder came at that time and took us the offices of the company;You can find the lodge details here: http://www.tripadvisor.com.au/HotelReview-g294315-d3514228-Reviews-RenacoLodge-IquitosLoretoRegion.htmlWe walked inside the office and he asked us to have a seat. He went into detail about everything we would see, showed us on a map where we would be going in the Amazon and then showed us some pictures of the lodge and some animals. Salesmanship tactics differ slightly everywhere in the world but well and truly Wilder is good at selling ideas to people, and we were eager to be sold, a truly dangerous combination. After a little more posturing he hit us with the price. $750 a week, we laughed a little and told him it simply wasn't possible, at that price each of us would have to commit to $6,000 dollars for the 2 month duration, in a place we had never been, under circumstances we did not know, something I was not going to do no matter what Blake wanted.I made a flat offer of 1500 a month, which comes out to $375 a week. Wilder looked less than happy with this amount but I knew how things here go, the price a Peruvian would pay for something like this would still be even lower than that, and were now in the slowest part of the tourist season, deals can be made. Blake however wasn't ready to give in so easily and offered them $1750 a month for the experience. I didn't like it, but accepted it because I was ready to fulfill our purpose here, even at extra cost, which Blake made clear to me was the least of his concerns if it meant healing himself, a notion I agree with in and of itself, but cannot fully endorse without proper assurance of success, I've always been a stickler for money its true, but because of this, I've always been able to buy what I needed and travel when I wanted. Blake's counter offer seemed to turn the tide in Wilder's mind and he excused himself from the table to "speak with the boss" A classic sales tactic that anyone buying a car will know all too well.Wilder came back and said that because we were friends with the boss's daughter he would accept our offer. $3500 a month for 2 people, it's more than I wanted to pay, but like Blake said, "It's a once and a lifetime experience, and for something like that, its not that much money." Blake tried to get money out of the Bank but it would only give him $200 at a time and in soles not dollars, so he asked his parents to Western Union him some money. In the meantime I would front him the money to pay for the trip. We had dinner with Carolina and returned to the hostel to think about what we had just signed ourselves up for...
Ayahuasca - Going Dark
"In the jungle you must wait, til the dice read 5 or 8," Were going offline in the jungle now, See you when we return! Love, Danny and Blake.
Ayahuasca - The Shamans Consultation
We had a big breakfast and a light lunch, eating nothing else for the rest of the day, but still having plenty of water to drink, a requirement in the tropics and indeed anytime you travel. You must have your wits about you after all, and without the main source of fuel for your bodies proper functioning, all hope of such performance is quickly lost to delirium.When night fell and Wilder, our guide and interpreter for our meeting with the Shaman and still further for our trip into the jungle, came to visit us at the Salamander backpacker hostel where we stayed. We took a motortaxi while he rode the company motorcycle behind us. For 15 minutes we rode back in the direction of the airport, through narrow, dimly lit streets and passed various establishments of unknown or questionable character, until turning off the paved road onto a muddy dirt path, with only a single light at the far end to light the ever narrowing corridor.We came to a stop at a light blue building, unfinished in construction by any western standards, but perfectly livable as far as anyone here in Peru is concerned. We were greeted at the door by a large elderly women and several kids of various ages swarming about her feet. As we entered the household Dora the Explorer, a children's cartoon, was on the tv, in Spanish of course, and besides a few things hanging from the walls, the room was remarkably plain.We passed through the building and out into the back yard, ducking under the numerous clothes lines stretching from one end of the back yard to the other. It was dark, but we could see multiple chickens running about at our feet and all over the yard. Mostly we heard them though, there must have been quite a few because we heard many chirps from every direction.Wilder brought us into an enclosed area where 2 chairs and a bed sat across from each other. We greeted the Shaman and he asked us to sit down, we did. Wilder explained everything we must do to properly experience the ritual and went into careful detail how we should and shouldn´t react to certain things that might happen."You must trust the shaman, he will take care of you. You may lose yourself completely to the Ayahuasca if you do not concentrate on what you're doing and why you are here. Remember to always remain focused, your focus determines your reality." Having taken numerous psychedelics before I knew the truth in Wilder's words. It's very easy to let go of yourself and fall into oblivion, it takes guts and raw determination to hold on in the face of utter annihilation.Before of laying out on the mat the shaman set his bag of pure-leaf tobacco cigarettes, 6 bottles and a special fan that helped ward off evil spirits. "Before you drink, you must ask the spirits what you wish to see, ask them to show you, and prepare to see what show you." said Wilder.The Shaman poured me a cup and blew heavy tobacco smoke into the cup, which swirled around inside it and seemed to regenerate itself from inside the cup, long after he had finished breathing into it. Then he blew smoke on my head, down the front and back of my shirt and finally he poured liquids from the other vessels into my hands, which he gestured for me to rub all over my body, as a protection against pain from vomiting or evil spirits coming and going from my body.Finally it was time to drink, I raised the cup to my forehead and asked the spirits to open my heart to the healing of the plant and allow the Shaman to read me like a book, in order to see what must be done in the future, this was after all our first ceremony, designed to show the Shaman how much work he must do in order to help heal our body and minds.I drank the liquid in one shot, taking note after the fact, the fowl, bitter taste of the viscus substance. No matter how hard I tried to swallow the taste away, it seemed to leave a thick layer of itself sticking to the walls of my mouth. In 20 minutes or so it finally faded away. Perhaps It was still just as strong, I just didn't care to notice anymore. Blake drank next, but took it in a few tilting shots. The Shaman took the cup then gave it back to him, asking him to finish everything that was inside, which he did.Wilder gave us a few more bits of information, letting us know that our ride would return at 2am to pick us up when the ceremony was finished, and left the small enclosure, closing us in with a graded piece of metal that had been sitting idly in the corner. As he left, the Shaman began his preparations, and he to drank a cup of the Ayahuasca, poured from the same bottle.We were asked to close our eyes for the entire ceremony, and the Shaman began his chanting and heavy smoking of tobacco. After 40 minutes I had kept my eyes totally closed, it was at this point I began to feel the effects pooling around my consciousness and ten Minutes later it was in full swing. At first it distorts your sense of location, in the sense that you can no longer tell where your own eyes are located. You still see normally, if you care to open your eyes, which I did every so often just to anchor myself to reality, if I felt lost or confused, but then your mind takes on a numbness I can't really explain. Your entire perception of direction is torn slowly away from its origin, and dragged along another plane of existence in a continuous fluid tear within your vision.At this point, all kinds of emotions and feelings rushed into my mind, I felt the presence of disaster in the actions that colored my failed relationships, How wrong I had been in so many ways as a youth and the people id negatively affected along the way. The faces of my family, alive and dead, came quickly, in and out of my thoughts. Not so much as clear visions but as memories and feelings attached to them.I threw up soon after the heaviest part of the trip was beginning to fade, it was at this point the Shaman presented me with another full cup of the Ayahuasca brew. I took the cup, performed a similar ritual as I did the first time, and drank. Unfortunately I wasn't yet done vomiting from the first time around and immediately threw up the second cup while Blake was receiving his next dose. So the rest of the ceremony was a cool down period for me, while Blake kept both cups down without throwing up, until hours later when we were about to leave. "A trait that has inspired many friends and fellow trippers alike to nickname Blake, iron-lung or lead-stomach."Many times during my mushroom trips and even lsd, I experience these emotions and see the same messages, it is because of those psychedelic experiences that I've been able to come to terms with my past, and better deal with all the things in my present, and indeed, even my future. This experience was quite strong for Blake, but not that much for me. Which is fine, because as the Shaman would later tell me, I was quicker to purge what was inside, while whatever was within Blake, was deep within him, and would take more time to expel.At around 1:30 The Shaman took Blake out of the enclosure and brought me to the cot to lay down. While I lay there thinking about the experience I overheard Blake vomiting loudly somewhere in the backyard. For another hour or so I lay there, trying to relax, not knowing exactly where Blake was or what he was doing. It was now 2:30am and from the darkness we heard, "Daniel? Are you ready?" "Yes," I said, "Blake, how about you?" a slow and half way sounding, "yeah." came from the darkness.We thanked the Shaman and wobbled heavily out of the back yard, nearly tripping over the numerous chicks jetting side to side across the yard like mini velociraptors. We came back into the house, said goodbye to the family, got into the motor taxi and drove home in silent amazement at what had just transpired. Reaching the hostel and climbing into bed, very little was said. I found it difficult to sleep, but eventually sleep found me, and yet no dreams would follow, I felt as though I had been in a dream all to real, for a very, very long time...
The Red and White Lines
We spent the day with Caroline, walking about the city, going shopping and eating the Ayahuasca diet meals at Margaritaville. Carolina told us that there were shamans in her family as well and some of her aunts warned her of using magic abilities that she might possess as a passed on trait, from generation to generation. Then she went on to tell us that while under the power of Ayahuasca each person may be presented with two lines of color in their visions, one Red, representing the dark spirits, and one white, representing the good or neutral spirits, and that each person must choose which line to follow.Just as in Star Wars, the dark side is quick and easy, seductive and also quite destructive, while the good is a difficult lifelong process that can be lonely and seemingly un-rewarding at times. While we might not always remain on one line or the other, it is important to know the difference, and make a conscious decision about which one you want to follow.We finished our meal and Carolina went to work while we spent the next 4 hours at an internet cafe, I updated the blog and Blake watched London Real, A youtube based talk show program that interviews all kinds of businessmen, athletes, inventors etc, with the main them of the show being ¨It´s about the journey¨ with one of the usual topics of conversation being psychedelics and each interviewees experience or lack thereof with them.When we finished up there Blake and I had an intense conversation about our childhoods concerning all the ways we treated each other and how the effects of those actions last even to this day. Blake said, ¨People have so many problems, many of them are bullshit white people things, first world problems you know, but they still affect us all in lots of ways, sometimes so badly that were fucked up for life and we don´t even know why, lashing out at those closest to us without even being able to explain the cause.¨While we were having this unreal dialogue a man in blue cut off jeans and dark ray ban glasses came up beside us as we were looking out across the Amazon. ¨relax im a local, I live here.¨ He said in hushed tones, as he swayed side to side a bit with his body as his arms got comfortable gripping the concrete railing in front of him. ¨It´s wild here isn't it?¨ he said, wiping the sweat from his brow. ¨Strong stuff they got.. I partied all last night. Dancing naked with the crazy girls. My fiancée would be jealous though I think, Don´t tell her ok? Shes over there.¨ As he tilted his head in a completely obvious manner behind him towards the cafe at our backs.¨What are we talking about here, white?¨ I asked, swiping the tip of my nose with my thumb quickly, a classic cocaine gesture. He exhaled with a low-tone laugh and looked side to side then looked out across the water, raising his Ray Bans closer to his eyes. ¨You know people come from thousands of miles to Iquitos to get this stuff...¨ a long pause and then he continued. ¨Ayahuasca, you know?¨¨Yeah we know.¨ we said. ¨That´s why were here.¨ ¨Ohh! well then, come with me, come, come along this way with.¨ not even finishing the sentence as he turned away from us walking in a zombie like stride towards the cafe. Seeing no real danger in the obviously tweaked but coherent individual, we followed him 30 feet or so to the table where his companion, the supposed fiancée, was sitting.He told us of his plans to sell his boats in the Caribbean and elsewhere, in hopes of furthering his business dealings in import export, presumably from here in Iquitos back to the States, and then we started talking about what we were all hoping to find, or perhaps run away from here in Peru. He told us he had ptsd and that the Ayahuasca helped him in many different ways. We asked him what he had gotten ptsd from and then he told us that both his father and his brother had hung themselves one after the other. We told him that he was doing the right thing using Ayahuasca and that we were glad he was doing ok. ¨You guys are good people, your ok with me, I want to help you.¨ He said, as we reached inside the cafe window for a pen and paper.¨I got this guy, he´s a real Ace. Lives in the village not far from here, I´ll give you his number, call him, he´ll fix you both, a real Ace!¨ He said, as he lowered his Ray Bans for the first time revealing his heavily hollowed, blood-shot eyes and a finicky gaze. He wrote down the number after placing the dry slip of paper on a perfectly damp portion of the table, handing the now soggy information to Blake, who thanked him put it in his pocket. Blake and I introduced ourselves and with a moments looking around he told us his name was John and that he too was glad to meet us. ¨You going to be alright?¨ we asked, as we excused ourselves. ¨Ohh yeah.. Me? I´m just an old Hanger. I´ll be fine.¨ A very curious expression to use we thought, and said goodbye, walking away without a word to each other until we rounded the corner towards Margaritaville.¨Be careful who you trust.¨ Said Blake, ¨That´s what the coca leaf shaman told me in Cusco.¨ ¨Funny,¨ I said, ¨The shaman told me I don´t trust enough.¨ we laughed and then talked between us wondering which line John was following now, the Red or the White? A question we both equally must consider for ourselves...